Knowing Oneself's Worth

Hey peeps!

I really need to be more consistent with my blogging and I truly wish I was. The main reason why I am not is because I struggle with fatigue. It's something that I'm coming to terms with but I know with my terrible sleeping pattern; this doesn't help matters!

Right now, I'll give you a brief summary of what I've been up to since my last post. There's been birthdays (including my own), appointments, catching up with friends and spending quality time with my family... can you believe my niece is now six months old (today)?

On personal matters, I have been trying to understand myself that bit more. Ever since I went to senior school, I have been plagued with having a lack of confidence and self esteem, and I want to change that. I know my self worth. I think anyone can understand when I say that some of it is in our own heads. We may experience difficult times that leave an after-affect on us; for example I always felt like I was awkward and didn't really know where I fitted in with my peers in my school year. Don't get me wrong, I had friends but not many close ones (not in my year anyway). Ever since then, these motions continued to shadow over me. 

It's only in the last year or so that I have been challenging myself. I know what my abilities are, what I like/don't like and now I know my place in this big, crazy world. Okay, I know that I will always struggle with socialising in big groups, speaking out in public (which I have twice; once at my birthday party last year and at my short film screening event earlier this year) and being completely comfortable in being assertive. 

Something that I've been thinking about is things that I'd like to do. Obviously a lot of what I would like to do depends on whether I have someone to assist me. When I was at school, I used to go horse riding and I'm looking for other EDS peeps for advice. I didn't have hip problems when I was younger and I don't want to risk making it worse. Plus I'm a little scared as it's been so long, ha ha! One thing I do miss and desperately looking for inspiration to do so is my creative writing; I often used to write poetry. There's no physical reason why I can't so hopefully whenever I feel inspired, I'll do some writing. I'm not going to list all the things I want to do as that's for me to work on. 

I think it's so important to fulfill ones wishes and desires. You can't build your self esteem and confidence if you don't try things at least once. How can we improve ourselves if we don't do things that might make us happy. For me as an example, I felt like I was struggling, didn't even have any enthusiasm and felt lonely; still sad at times over my late support worker but I know in my heart that she would want me to enjoy my life the best I can where it's possible. I already have enough difficulties in my life without me making me feel worse. 

The last thing I would like to say is to just take life one step at a time and think about what you want. Think thoroughly first. Capture all the good times and learn from the hard times. 

"Say yes to new adventures"

"Never allow waiting to become a habit. Live your dreams and take risks. Life is happening now."

"It takes a level of self love, of dedication and determination to live your greatest life. So, look within. Look at every area of your life and ask yourself these questions: Am I on course? Am I growing mentally, emotionally and spiritually? Anything that is blocking that is preventing you from living your greatest life, make the tough decision to let it go." 

Until next time... xxx


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